Chuck Norris jokes are still funny, right?

Towards the end of the Chuck Norris craze, I submitted a couple "facts." Unbeknownst to me, one of them made the top 100. As a matter of fact, it currently sits at 28th (yes, I counted)... 0.013 points behind "Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris."

Tolkien Black Guy

Lawrence Makoare

This Just In...

My hands smell fantastic.

Expanding the Vernacular

Fire Engines - noun
Overweight women who wear red when going out. Called thus for being large, conspicuous, and able to be heard from across the room.
It must be a four-alarm night. The fire engines are out in full force.

Fuck the Guitar

I really want to learn how to play the harmonica.

Legos

Try to take apart two flat Legos without using your teeth. I dare you.

I feel loved

Since I couldn't be with my family on Thanksgiving Day, I sent them all texts wishing them a Happy Thanksgiving. Here are their responses:

Mom: "Thank you love you!"
Sister: "You too!"
Dad: "U 2 thanx"
Brother: "U to retard"